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It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. The year was 1979.  Dr. Hook and Little River band, each had two of the top 100 songs and Nicole Richie’s dad was still a Commodore. Nothing was coming between Brooke Shields and her Calvins, and Americans were worried about exploding Pintos, Three Mile Island, and Iranian radicals (glad that’s worked itself out). For Redskins fans it also marks the last time the Redskins faced the Cowboys on the final week of the season, to decide the NFC East.

How great it is for anyone to actually give a damn about what the Redskins do, less than a week from the new year. Add to that they’ll face mortal enemies, the Dalls Cowboys. I am terrified and excited at the same time. The ending of this game will offer fans the highest of highs or the lowest of lows. But that’s what it’s all about. That’s why we are fans. It allows us the emotional release, that if we were fully human, we would get with our spouses and children. But a playoff run, and plenty of brown liquor, provide a close facsimile to the feelings of real relationships. Perhaps I’ve said too much.

The names a different now. Instead of Theisman and Riggins v Staubach and Drew Pearson, it’s RGIII and Alfred Morris v Tony Romo and Dez Bryant. Who by the way is in full beast mode right now.  But it’s what we’ve wanted for 20 years. To root for a relevant team again. With a loss, from a big picture standpoint I think many fans will be happy as we look to the future, but will hurt in the short term.  But a win that sends the Cowboys home will be fantastic. Now if John Mara’s Giants stay home too, I may not wear pants for a week. Now pour something tall and strong, and  shine up your K-Car. It’s 1979 all over again. (Yes, I know the ‘Boys won that one in ’79, but allow me some poetic liscence.)


REDSKINS: Week 16 Predictions

Griffin and God     I’ve tried to figure out why my motivation to post on this has been at absolute zero for the last six months, and I have finally come to a conclusion. Robert Griffin and the improvement this season, have wiped away my fan angst, and thus my desire to vent on a weekly basis. However as my childlike optimism approaches Christmas Eve level excitement, I once again feel compelled to write. Please forgive me if I start taking victory laps, and point out that maybe Bruce Allen and the Shanahans may actually know what they are doing.

So let’s begin the Worldwidebleater renaissance with a few predictions for Sunday’s tilt against the Eagles.

1- Robert Griffin will burn down the stadium.  Figuratively of course. He is one of the most competitive guys in the league. And make no mistake, he is not without an ego. While it is not arrogance or boastfulness, he thinks the world of himself and his abilities. He has now spent the last seven days listening to various media outlets speculate about Kirk Cousins’ trade value. As well as the fact that Cousins’ 329 yards last week against the Browns was more than any of Griffin’s totals. He’s also heard what a genius Kyle Shanahan is, and how he can do it with anybody. My guess is that he has spent the last week in a Michael Jordan like fugue state. Imagining slights, disrespect, and enemies that don’t exist. We will see a quarterback prepared like no other. He will put on a clinic this week.

2- At some point Chris Cooley will have a breakout game. Nobody expects him to do anything other than block. He didn’t sudenly forget how to play football. I will concede that he has probably slowed down, but when your are ignored you can be lethal. Much in the way that Darrell Young reels off a 25 yarder form time to time. I predict that the next time he is targeted, he will score a touchdown.

3-This defense will be in the top ten next season. They have improved markedly since the bye week, and this is a very young team. I think Crawford will continue to improve, especially since he’s going to be active every week returning punts.  Jarvis Jenkins in starting to show the promise we were, uh….promised. Add to that, I belive that if Chase Minnifield gets healthy for next season, he’ll be really good. That’s a gut feeling only. Kind of like the winning lottery ticket, on which I I have yet to check the numbers. Carricker will be back, and hopefully Orakpo will be able to fully recover. I underestimated his impact on the pass rush, and considered him to be a tad overrated by the fan base. Redskin fans have had a tendency over the last ten years or so to call guys who don’t suck, great.

Anyway, let’s enjoy the ride. As I emailed one sports radio guy last week: Allow yourself to love again. This is fun. Don’t worry about getting your heart broken. You’ll know when it’s “the one”. Robert Griffin is the one. HTTR!!

Jim Harbaugh, We’ve Found a Donor for Your Spinal Transplant Surgery

     I have this image of the lockers of both Brandon Weeden and Alex Smith, being these high school like shrines from their coaches and management. You know, with little construction paper hearts taped to them, a dyed carnation, and maybe a photo of Jim Harbaugh smiling coyly. In case you haven’t been paying attention, over the last week, both the Browns and the ’49ers have tried to make nice with their projected starting quarterbacks.

First Jim Harbaugh went out of his way to tell a reporter that they were never “flirting” with Peyton Manning. Really?! He went on further to say that he played catch with Manning to evaluate him, with the idea of both Manning and Smith being on the team. Again. Really?! Perhaps you were interested in a $20 million dollar per year, 36-year-old backup. I don’t feel it necessary to shoot his assertion full of holes, as I’m convinced that nobody believes this. Including Alex Smith.

The more interesting thing to me about this is it’s just weak. Jim Harbaugh spent all of last season trying to convince everyone how tough he was. I mean he shoved Jim Schwartz. He drove a railroad spike through his penis. He even completely blew off Super Bowl winning coach, Sean Payton, when he wanted to discuss an upcoming pre-season game. Maybe I’m confused on one or two of those charges. I watch a lot of Jackass.

I was annoyed by him, but convinced that he was a badass. Now this. He should have been a man and just told the truth. As in:” Alex Smith is mediocre, but a good guy who played hard for us. We wanted to upgrade”. Stop with the nonsense.

Then Tony Grossi of, reported this week that the Browns were not really interested in Robert Griffin.(I’m boycotting the III. It’s getting annoying). They thought he was too small and too eager to run. Really?! After GM Mike Holmgren’s public whining about how they had submitted an offer comparable to that of the Redskins. Weak. Just weak I tell you. That is like the guy who musters his courage to talk to a girl in a club, and after being shot down tells his buddies she was a dyke.

Are the egos so fragile with players today, that they require this insincere codling? Brandon Weeden is a rookie for Christ’s sake. He hasn’t done anything to warrant any codling. Mark Sanchez took the Jets to AFC title games in his first two seasons. He’s not getting coddled. He’s getting Teboned. These are grown ass men. They should all  grow up.


A Seat at the Table


Well, it’s official. The Redskins selected Robert Griffin III yesterday, in round 1 of the NFL Draft. Call me a crazy optimist, but I feel a sense of hope that I haven’t in a long time. It’s like we can finally sit at the grown-up table. Without a solid starting quarterback fans can only hope to luck into 9-7 and maybe a wild-card slot. But nothing that can really count as a run at a title.

There is aways the chance that he could suck and add nothing to the team. But without a top-notch starter at quarterback, they were going to suck anyway. I have my fingers crossed, and my RGIII Underoos on.

Redskins Potpourri

RGIII's your Huckleberry.

Wow! What a freakin’ week for Redskins fans. A $36 million kick in the fellas, Pierre Garcon, Atogwe cut, and Josh Morgan. Huh? Oh yeah. We traded up into the second pick in the draft to get some guy named Robert Griffin III. Off-season champs? Business as usual? Will this work? Nobody. I repeat, nobody knows. However, for the most part, I believe the Redskins are making good moves. Some thoughts on the recent news:

  • $36 million cap hit–  The NFL has administered a $36 million purple nurple to the Redskins for violating an unwritten “gentleman’s” agreement to collude and fix salaries during the uncapped year in 2010.  By moving $21 million of Albert Haynesworth’s bonus and $15 million to DeAngelo Hall into the uncapped year, the Redskins upset some of the cheap owners who’d rather polish their pennies than try to build a great team. The NFL took away $36 million of cap space from the Redskins, and $10 million fron the Cowboys.  The League will award approximately $1.6 million of added cap space to 29 other teams to spend as they wish. I wonder of Ralph Wilson and Bud Adams will open up their blue plastic change purses and actually spend that extra money. They probably give their grandchildren $50 U.S. Savings Bonds for Christmas.
  • Albert Haynesworth- He keeps coming up like bad Salmon.
  • Pierre Garcon–  I think he is a good player. Howeva… I always worry about guys with good, not great performance when they play with stars. Number 2 receivers benefit when there is a stud number 1, ie. Reggie Wayne. Receivers also look better when they catch balls from the likes of a Tom Brady or Peyton Manning. Witness Deion Branch or David Patton Remember his Redskins years? No? Me either. I like him in DC, but I think they overpaid.
  • RGIII- Damn. The only red flags with him are the teams he played against. I see the point, but it is bit unfair. That’s analogous to assuming Cam Newton couldn’t play in anNFL offense because his at Auburn was fairly simple. Either you can throw the ball accurately, or you can’t. Either you can read defenses, or you can’t. Either you can extend plays or you can’t. Everthing leads one to believe that RGIII can do these things.
  • The Cost to Acquire RGIII- I’ve heard some say that he needs to be as productive as Tom Brady in order for the Redskins to get adequate value for what was given up. To them I ask: Who the hell do you think you are? You’re a freakin’ Redskins fan. Deep into the playoff three or for times over the next dozen years wouldn’t be good enough for you? Tom Brady is the standard? What guarantee did you have that the picks given up would bring you Tom Brady results? The Redskins would not have given up 3 first rounders and one second rounder, if they were not absolutely convinced that RGIII will become a top 7 or so NFL quarterback. I could argue that the Skins didn’t overpay with draft picks all day, but I’ll only make one point. IF. IF, that is what they believed, then you spend what you have to to get him. Ask the GM’s of the Packers, Patriots, Giants, Saints, Colts and Steelers how many picks they would take to trade away their franchise guy in his prime. At 27, how many first round picks would it have taken to get Brady away from New England? 5?  6? I don’t know that any amount of picks would have done it. All the Trent Williams’, Brian Orakpo’s and Ryan Kerrigan’s in the world aren’t going to bring you Tom Brady results. Only Tom Brady does that. I’m not guaranteeing that RGIII will do anything, but there were no guarantees with the surrendered picks either. What was the alternative? Streak to 9-7 like a rocket ship with Kyle Orton or Matt Flynn?
  • Mike Shanahan- He crossed the Rubicon on Friday. He will live or die with this move. It will define his career. He just bet the mortgage or the first three cards in Seven Card Stud. If it works, then he can start clearing room for his Hall of Fame jacket. If it fails, he was the guy who rode John Elway to a couple of Super Bowls, and he can pay $21.00 to get into Canton like the rest of us.

RGIII to the Redskins!!!

Faster Than a Speeding Locomotive...

Damn. Just Damn. More to come.

How Much is a Franchise Quarterback Worth to the Redskins?

RGIII! Manning!!

Among the Redskins faithful, there has been much gnashing of teeth since Robert Griffin III, performed at the NFL combine last week. The voices have been loud in the “Should they/ shouldn’t they” argument. The argument against is largley this: He will cost too much in the form of surrendered draft picks, and thus will cripple them going forward. That leaves me with two questions. What is a franchise quarterback worth? And is now the time to go all in on the guy, regardless of who he may be?

In regard to the first question. If there is somebody among the littany of QB choices this year, that the Shanahan/Allen regime believes is absolutely the guy, then they should pay whatever the price may be. It’s become a cliche’, but this is a quarteback league. Teams simply must have a top tier QB to succeed at the highest level. And by that, I mean play in a Super Bowl. The NFL has tweaked and twisted the rules to make quarterbacks ever more important.

People love to immediatley blurt out “TENT DILFER” when it is pointed out that a great QB is essential. But look at the facts. Since Dilfer won 11 years ago in 2001, there have been 22 starting QB slots in Super Bowls. Of those 22 slots only five were not filled by guys who, at some point in their career were in the Hall of Fame conversation. Rich Gannon, Brad Johnson, Matt Hasselbeck, Jake Delhome, and wait for it…. Sexy Rexy. The other 17 have been top level guys. Before you scream, “McNabb is not top level!”, back it up Skippy. Yes, the last few years have been tough for McNabb. But prior to his decline, he was NFC Player of the year, NFC offensive player of the year, a 6 time Pro-Bowler, and went to 4 NFC Championship games and a Super Bowl.

More recently, you have to go back to ’07 with Rex to see anyone in the big game, who is not a stone cold asassin at the QB position. Simply put, no team is going to be great without a great quarterback. So keep all the draft picks you want. Without a sniper behind center, it’s all for naught.

Lately I keep hearing “why all the ugency now?”. Two reasons, really. First, they hit rock bottom in 2011 with Rex and Beck. Second, they have not, in the last 15 years, been in a better situation to make the move. They have tons of cap room if a free agent is the answer. But more importantly, draft-wise they are in the best position I can remember.

In order to draft in the top two or three positions, you generally have to have 3 or fewer wins. It is hard to be that bad. But at number six, with 8 picks this year they are as close as they may get for a while. RGII may cost as much three first rounders, but that really means two. They’re going to swap number ones this year and lose two of the next two. The leaders have shown me enough, to have faith that they can find talent in the later rounds. Plus, consider this. The addition of Leonard Hankerson and Jarvis Jenkins next year, is kind of like getting two high picks this year. The concensus in Ashburn is that these two will be good, and gave the team nearly nothing last year.

Mediocrity at QB would be a huge leap forward for the Redskins. But ulitimately that is an anchor on the team. Moving to 8-8 only keep them from getting the stud they really need. I don’t evaluate players for a living, so I’m not sure who that stud is. But there is a legion of people in Ashburn who do. So, at ther end end of the day, if they find the guy, do whatever it takes to make him your guy.

The Starting QB for the Redskins in 2012 Should Be…

Sure he's got a lot of miles, but I've got all the maintenence records.

I’m all in on _______ as the new quarterback for the Redskins in 2012. Vague? Maybe. But focus not on the blank, but on the word “new”. New as in not Rex Grossan or John Beck. This year more than any I can remember, the  QB options abound for teams picking near the top of the draft. All of which seem to be better than what they have had since Jason Campbell left town.

Some likely options:

Peyton Manning- The 800 lbs gorilla in the room is; will he get the strength back and be able to make all of the throws he could in the past? Let’s assume that he can. Save for the neck stuff, he has been an iron man. He’s otherwise healthy, takes care of himself and should be able to play for four or five more years. Mike Shanahan will trust him enough to hand over the control that Manning will need to be effective. With QB of his caliber at the helm, just sit back and watch how much better everyone else gets. The O line suddenly gets better because of quicker decision making and a faster release. The receivers somehow manage to get open more often and now get more yards after the catch. Accuracy makes a mediocre receiver look good. Witness the wideouts who looked good in New England , and could not produce anywhere else. With fewer men in the box, instantly your running backs seem to be more explosive and have better vision. When you play with a lead, watch how many sacks Kerrakpo can post. Manning’s health is a big IF, but even under a best case scenario, they must draft his replacement this year or next. The draft is deep with QB’s this year, so now is probably the time.

Matt Flynn- I know, I know three games is not a big enough sample to judge a quarterback. Kevin Kolb, Matt Cassel, and Scott Mitchell show that it is a big risk to take Matt Flynn. And if I had a dime for every back-up QB who threw 6 TD’s against a play-off team, I’d have….oh yeah. A dime. The big indicator will be if Dolphin’s new head coach, Joe Philbin goes after him hard in free agency. Philbin was Flynn’s offensive coordinator last year, and if the Dolphins are not interested, then nobody should be. I just know that in one game he threw three times as many TD passes as John Beck did in three. Maybe 20 years of mediocrity or worse has made me willing to accept anything new, with the promise of being better than the last. He likely won’t cost any draft picks, and his salary number is reported to be in the 3-4 million dollar range(I suspect it will go much higher). So in that regard the risk is fairly low.

Robert Griffin III- This guy just makes me salivate. I mean he could be the next Heath Shuler. Wait, wait. That’s not what I meant. He could be the highest pick the Redskins have ever used for a QB. Assuming they trade up to the second position to get him. He has everything that you would want. Big arm, fast, smart, accurate, and fast. Did I say fast? The great thing about him is, that despite blazing speed, he always looks to pass first. He moves in the pocket, shifts to avoid pressure, and keeps his eyes downfield the whole time. But when everything breaks down, he’ll bolt from the pocket and make defenders look silly trying to catch him. That is a skill that he’ll need on a team like the Redskins. The downside is it will cost a ton in draft picks to get him. Obviously they’ll swap the #6 pick with (the Rams?) plus next year’s first rounder and another pick. Possibly another first rounder. That’s a lot, BUT… Look at the last 6 or 7 Super Bowls. The odds of winning one without at top shelf QB are slim. So roll the dice. You can build a team safely and get to 9-7. Where’s the fun in that?

Kyle Orton and Ryan Tannehill/Brock Osweiler/Kirk Cousins/Brandon Weeden/etc- Kyle Orton looks like an NFL QB. I liked him at Purdue. He just looked like a pro. But results at the pro level tell a different story. He lost his job in Denver to Tim Tebow, who completes about 45% of his passes. He does not suck. He could improve the Redskins to 10-6, but that is not the goal. He would however serve as a bridge to the new guy. The same role that Grossman was supposed to play, except better. What evidence do I have? None. But could it be worse?

Life under the Snyder regime has lead many fans to a point at which we will take anything over the suckitude that we currently endure. But this year feels different. The landscape is lush with choices. More than half of which should be successful. I’ve been told that Shanahan is a great judge of QB talent. If so, he’ll make the right choice. If not, a fourth whiff in three years will earn him his walking papers. A new QB will buy him at least two more years, but make no mistake, this next choice of QB is his Rubicon. Get it right, and it’s wine and rose. Get it wrong, and it’s… Well we know what it is. We’ve seen it for 20 years.

NFL: Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated.

Recently ran a piece by economists Tyler Cowen an Kevin Grier, who postulated that American football could soon cease to exist. The premise is that injuries and subsequent litigation would eventually lead to so much fear that the monied class would end their support and it would all come crashing down.

It is quite likely that litigation will soon overrun football, as it has nearly every facet of our lives. But litigation never puts an end to things that people love. It can and will likely make it more expensive in the coming years, and we will pay for it in any number of ways. This could be through increased cable rates, more or better commercials, and possibly pay per view.

But they are overlooking a couple of important things. First is informed consent. As we learn more about the risk, future generations will go in with eyes wide open thus reducing exposure to purveyors of the sport. One example of this is, rather than banning the silica  packets that come packed in all our electronics, I’ve now been admonished to refrain from eating them. Like mowing in the rain with bare feet, I no longer do it. Thanks lawyers, I really dodged a bullet.

Another thing that they get wrong is when they cite examples of other things that have gone by the wayside. For example 40% of companies on the 1983 Fortune 500, no longer exist. A quick look will show that list contains companies like Eastman Kodak and Polaroid. Another example they cite is Napster. These companies are gone because somebody came up with a better way. Not because nobody wants pictures or music anymore.  They also put forth as evidence of invetible change, the collapse of the USSR. So because Polaroid and Communism failed, football will as well?

It makes people look really smart to make bold predictions like this. In 15 years if football is gone, they look omniscient. In the more likely scenario, in which the NFL claims MLB and the NBA as its bitches, we have all forgotten their quaint little premise.

I hate to get all “Oliver Stone” here, but I feel like ESPN (Grantland’s benefactor) has been trying to ram soccer up my descending colon for the last couple of years. With their radio guys telling me how much they now love soccer, despite years of mockery and disdain. They see the writing on the wall. Simple math dictates that those who make more babies will eventually take over.

They are just greasing us up for the inevitable. Football will not end because of injuries in 15-20 years.  It will eventually be subjugated by other more Euro sports in maybe 50 or 60 years. By then I should be several years in the ground. But for you whippersnappers  out there: Are you ready for some futball?! Look on the bright side you be able to get fresh produce on the freeway off-ramp.

Are the Giants a Reformed Crack Whore?

As a Redskin fan, I simply cannot wrap my feeble brain around this. The Giants, who will face the Patriots in the Super Bowl on Sunday, lost twice to the 5-11 team from D.C.. It’s like Julia Roberts marrying Lyle Lovett, or the Alec Baldwin in Pearl Harbor. It strains credulity, and simply makes no sense at all.

The first game in week one was a road game for the G-men, and they came into Fed-Ex field beat up and unprepared for the onslaught of Rex Grossman. That’s fine. It happens. The Redskins still believed that Rex was an NFL caliber QB, and didn’t know they were supposed to lose. But the second loss to Washington defies all logic.

In that tilt, the 4-9 Redskins traveled to New York with 1/3 of their starting offense. In a game that the Giants needed to win the Skins managed to win by 13. The Giants had gotten their front four back and should have made Rex Grossman more uncomfortable than Paula Deen in a Pilates class.

I can’t explain why it happened, but I think it was that loss that eventually propelled the Giants to Super Bowl XLVI. In the parlance of 12 step programs, they had finally hit bottom. When they woke up on December 19th the Giants had to look in the mirror and admit that they had a problem. Losing twice to the Redskins was the NFL equivalent to blowing a hobo for beer money. “Hi My name is Osi and I lost to the Redskins twice.”

After the first loss, they saw themselves like a cocaine user who thinks they can do it occasionally. Antrelle Rolle saying “If we played them 100 times, they might win five.”, was the same as “Yeah I gave my dealer a handjob, but I can quit any time.” The second loss made them put down the crack pipe once and for all and turn their team around.

I’m not sure what, if anything it says about Washington, but to be the League’s rock bottom is shameful. And Devin Thomas is more likely to get a Super Bowl ring than anybody on the Redskins roster.

“Hi my name is Danny, and I’m addicted to overpriced free agents.”

What’s with Jim Harbaugh?

Jim Harbaugh Don't Care. Jim Harbaugh Don't Give a Shit

Wow! let me be the 5,789,376th person to say what a fantastic job Jim Harbaugh has done in his rookie year in the NFL. And let me be the first (at least as far as I know) to say this guy is a horse’s ass.

Initially liked his old school tough-guy act. When he ran up the score on Pete Carroll, and then verbally smacked him down at mid-field, I thought, “USCs’ been doing this for years. Serves’em right.” When he roughed up Jim Schwartz after beating the Lions this year, I thought “Schwartz is an asshat. Screw him.” I even defended Jimmy HardPaws (Steve Czaban’s name)  in an earlier post on the Lion’s turn toward unlikability

But now it turns out that Sean Payton called him to coordinate how they’d handle a pre-season game in August, and Harbaugh never called him back. Now apparently while against league rules, this is a common practice, so that coaches can work on things that they need to.  When questioned about it, he claimed to be unaware of the practice. He followed with “We ask no quarter, and we give no quarter.”

Slow down Longshanks. This is a freakin’ scrimmage. Designed for coaches to get a look at players, and for owners to sell full price tickets and $9 beers at an organized practice. Really? “We ask no quarter, and we give no quarter.” Pre-season games are a joke.

OK. So he’s such a tough-guy, that he won’t discuss strategy with the opposing coach for what is essentially practice. Practice? We talkin’ bout practice? Does he at least show the common courtesy to a Super Bowl winning coach, to return his phone call? Of course not. He’s kinda badass. He just don’t give a shit. He seems like he was the kind of kid who’d eat a cat turd if you double dog dared him.

His Clint Eastwood with a whistle act is getting tiresome. The 49ers would have been a team I could have easily pulled for through the play-offs, but  now they are in Lions territory for me. I hope every 49er gets explosive diareah next weekend and they have to forfeit. Boo Jim Harbaugh. Boo.


Matt Flynn is Dreamy

Pick me! Pick me!

I wrote a week ago that Matt Flynn was going to steal somebody’s money in free agency this year.  Much like Scott Mitchell and Kevin Kolb before him. This was before he lit the Lions up for 480 yards and six touchdowns in week 17. I am starting to hope that the money he gets is from one Daniel Milhouse Snyder. Wow. I can see why Snyder likes to play GM. Because for the casual football fan who doesn’t know the difference between a 3 technique and a 5 technique, there are lots of shiny things out there to get you excited. RGIII, Flynn, Justin Blackmon, they all look so pretty through the store window.

But history has shown us again and again that all that glitters is not gold. As much as everyone, myself included, hates the way that Snyder has operated the Redskins, I would end up running my team the same way. How hard it must be to sit on the sideline and watch the grown ups buy the groceries. I,  just like Snyder would be sitting in the cart screaming “No! Not the Broccoli, I want a Zagnut Bar!”

Just a week ago I was hoping for way to get RGIII.  Now its Flynn in free agency, and Blackmon in the draft. 480 yards and six touchdowns! In one freakin’ game. It would take Rex Grossman four outings to produce numbers like that. And he’d have 7 picks and a fumble to add to it.

My point is to illustrate that this is hard. Tom Brady went in the sixth round. Half of the scouts thought Ryan Leaf was a better option that Peyton Manning. People were noting the lack of red-headed quarterbacks in conversations about Andy Dalton. Snyder is a fan just like the rest of us. I for one am glad we now have Shanahan and Allen running things. They are a strong tandem with enough NFL cred to keep Snyder quiet. You want to get rid of Shanahan? You’ll end up with a shopping cart full of Zagnuts and Dana Stubblefield’s.

In the tiny logical part of my brain, I still think Matt Flynn in poised to pull a major heist. But please, steal it in Ashburn, VA.

Gross, Man!

Pick? What pick?











Would you rather have your genitals eaten by a honey badger, or have black rats gnaw their way out of your colon? Tough question, I grant you. But no tougher than the one Mike Shanahan has to answer regarding what to do at quarterback, if none of the young studs are available in the 2012 NFL Draft. USC’s Matt Barkley has already opted out, and there are rumblings that Baylor’s Robert Griffin III, Oklahoma’s Landry Jones, may chose to do the same.

At that point NFL teams are left with the likes of Ryan Tannehill, Nick Foles, and Kellen Moore. As is generally the case teams will reach at QB, and take guys higher than they should. Witness Blaine Gabbert in 2011. That leaves Shanahan either reaching for a guy in the draft that he’s not in love with, or something else. I don’t believe he’ll reach for a mediocre QB, and so I’ll address that something else scenario.

Please excuse any typos or grammatical errors, as contemplating this has caused my keyboard to short out several times from my tears. Let me start with what is NOT an option. Allowing John Beck anywhere near Redskin Park. After Sunday’s game with the Eagles, Shanahan should go straight to the Ashburn Courthouse and file a restraining order against Beck. Aside from staying at a Holiday Inn Express last night, he has no NFL qualifications whatsoever.

     To Rex or not to Rex. That is the question.

Arguments in Favor of Keeping Rex:

  • He know the Shanahans’ complex, graduate level, mega-mind system.
  • The players will follow him.
  • He is not a serial killer.
  • If he plays next year, we will all understand that he is temporary.
  • A free agent acquisition may muddy the need to draft a franchise QB. This absolutely cannot happen.
  • Rex is basically free. Nobody else wants him. Teams are going to overpay for the F/A QB’s that are available. Matt Flynn is going to steal somebody’s money this year, and Drew Brees ain’t walkin’ throught that door.

Argument Against Keeping Rex

  • Rex sucks.
  • It will make everyone feel good to lop off Rex’s head at the end of the season.

As much as it makes me wretch to say it, we need to keep Rex around in 2012. A free agent will fool us into thinking we have the answer. This team is still not close. The answer folks is playing in college somewhere. The one thing that may cause Shanahan to reach in the draft, is if he knows the leash is gettting short. A rookie QB pretty much assures him of two more years. Either way… WELCOME BACK REX!! I just vomitted on the honey badger in my lap.

Tebow Blames God for Loss to Pats

In Sunday’s post game press conference Tim Tebow said God was to blame in their 41-23 loss to New England. Asked if he was angry, Tebow laughed sheepishly and said, “No, I’m pretty sure I had it coming.” Reporters then pressed further, and Tebow made a shocking admission. ” On Thursday, in a moment of weakness, I abused myself to an episode of The Facts of Life.”

Further research indicates that Thursday’s episode was the one where Natalie loses her virginity. Asked later if the subject matter was too much to resisit, the pious QB said, “It wasn’t even Natalie that I was thinking about. It was that little colored girl. I think that’s why God was so mad.”

Tebow addressd the team Monday, vowing to never to touch himself again.

Rebuilding the Redskins

Whew! Smells like 4-12.

As the Washington Redskins again cruise through December on the way to yet another disappointing season, we as fans are faced with the question: Are things getting better or worse? As of late, there has been a groundswell of public opinion to fire the Shanahans and start over again. One of the smartest things I’ve heard on the topic was from ESPN 980 DC’s Steve Czaban in an interview with Kevin Sheehan , on his pre-game shows a couple of weeks ago. I paraphrase here: Shanahan may not be the answer,  changing coaches after two years again is definitely not the answer. He has since changed his mind on this, and is now screaming for his head on a pike.

Most people seem to be of the mindset to judge this team on it’s record. Which admittedly has been bad. Shanahan has up to this point a worse record than his predecessor, Jim “Maroon and Black” Zorn. However, what has changed, is the philosophy. For years the idea was that the Redskins were just a couple of pieces away from being a good team again. This was held from ownership, to the GM, to the coaches, on down to the fans. But adding pieces in that manner has lead to a team that consistently clung to the lower end of mediocrity.

Now to the analogy portion of our lesson. Mike Shanahn has chosen to remove all of the rot from the structure and replace it with new fresh lumber. The Redskins are continuing to get younger at nearly every position, and those young guys will need some time to learn and grow in the system. Witness the offensive line, which has continued to improve despite being down to third string at some positions.

Judging a rebuilding team on its’s record can be mis-leading. We may have fewer wins, but I think we have bigger upside in the future. I’m tired of people citing the “one year turn-arounds” in the league every year. These are a myth. Take Detroit. This did not happen overnight. Stafford-3rd season, Pettigrew 3rd season, Kyle Vandenbosch 2nd season, Calvin Johnson 5th season. They have been putting pieces in place for a while. But it seems like it happened all at once, because they won only 8 games combined in the previous two years.

As fans we have been living in a lean-to for the last 20 years. It kept the rain off of us, but offered little else in terms of security. Shanahan has offered to build us a three bedroom house. The foundation is done, the walls are going up, but the roof is not on.  We as fans are now crying because it doesn’t keep the rain out yet.  Patience people, patience.

Penn State: On a Serious Note

I’ve gotten a little grief for my Conversations with Joe Pa series, and I want to clarify my position on the child sexual abuse scandal that has rocked the university. Let me first start with the obligatory, not everyone at PSU is a card carrying member of NAMBLA, or even supports Joe Paterno. And further, I suspect that almost none of them support Jerry Sandusky. The point of the series is not to damn an entire university, or to make light of the abuse that these children allegedly suffered. I am of the school of thought that an effective way to keep the powerful, and the powerful and evil in check, is through mockery and ridicule. Not that I include view my self on their plane, but think Jon Stewart or South Park.

What I’ve been trying to convey is that the support of Joe Paterno is misplaced. There are two main defense arguments for Paterno that go something like this.

  1. Paterno didn’t understand the seriousness of the allegations.
  2. Paterno did his part by telling his Athletic Director. Really?

Argument One- For years we have been told that Paterno should keep his job a PSU regardless of his age. “He’s vibrant” we’re told. “He’s still very much involved” in running a 100 plus person, $72 million organization we’re told. But we are led to to believe that this vibrant, intelligent, engaged CEO did not bother to ask enough follow up questions of Grad Assistant Mike McQueary, to understand what “horsing around” meant. By Paterno’s own Grand Jury testimony, he knew enough to ask more questions.

And we are to believe that prior to McQueary’s allegations in 2002, he knew nothing of the 1998 investigation into similar acts, that must have at least touched the PSU admistration at some point. If he and Athletic Director Tim Curley thought Jerry was just “popping towels” with these kids, why was he banned form bringing them on campus in 2002?

Argument Two- Paterno went to Curley to report suspicion of what was, in light of the 1998 allegations, a serial child rapist. Change the word rapist to murderer, and say it out loud. Who would report a serial killer to their boss, unless you work for the FBI? But I guess rapist was ok with Joe PA. And while murder, many may argue, is far worse than child molestation. In some repects I would disagree. Murder is horrible and final. Molestation is horrible and lasts a lifetime. Victims suffer with this their entire lives, and are lucky if they don’t grow up with the same prediliction toward sex with children. From a societal standpoint it is worse than murder, because molesters create more molesters. Murderers only create dead people.

So I just don’t buy the idea that Paterno is a victim in this. He acted in the interest of Penn State Football, and in the interest of Joe Paterno. The second part of the last sentence is even more obvious now that we have learned of his financial interest in Second Mile. So Good Ol’ Joe was looking out for Joe. Who was looking out for the children? It was supposed to be Jerry Sandusky.

Smokin’ the Tree in DC

Hey Trent! Got any Skittles?

Oh boy! As a longtime Skins fan this is a real kick in the nards. Arguably Washington’s two best offensive players, Fred “Sleepy” Davis and Trent “Silverback” Williams, will sit out the rest of the season due to their unquenchable lust for the marijuana. They have each tested positive at least three times.

Mike Shanahan has spoken to the media regarding this matter, and in typical fashion, said next to nothing. As a fan, I want to hear from Sleepy and Dopey. Nothing to seems to motivate these two enough to stay away from the kind bud. Perhaps shame might be the ticket. If they were made to stand together at a podium and answer questions about their weed habits, maybe they could put the hooka down for good. However, the questions would not come from a local media, that must walk a fine line between hard-hitting journalism, and keeping a relationship with the player. The questions would come from fans, who are down enough on this team, without two jack-offs getting themselves suspended for four games.

Here are some questions I’d like to ask:

  • Which word would best describe you? Stupid or selfish?
  • On a scale on 1-10 how much do you love weed?
  • After your 1st and 2nd positive tests did anyone in the organization suggest that maybe you put down the bong?
  • Why didn’t you?
  • Are you high now?
  • If you had to live in a world without weed or a world without touchdown celebrations, which would you choose?
  • Why should anyone on this team ever trust you again.
  • What if they made Twinkies big enough to paddle around the Potomac?

Anyway. December is now what it has been for 17 of the last 21 years. Time to start dreaming about the draft. With the fourth selection in the 2012 NFL Draft, the Washington Redskins select…… Robert Griffin III?

Maryland- Football and Crabcakes: One for two Ain’t Bad

You! Bring me a Big Gulp full of gravy!

What is it with the University of Maryland fans? They talk as if UM football was some shining star that has started to tarnish a bit. I think they view their program similarly to that of Notre Dame. They believe that Randy Edsall has ruined the program. An apt analogy would be putting a dent in your 1996 Civic. It’s not a good thing, but it’s hardly any reason to get your knickers in a twist. News Flash: UM football is, and never really was anything special. Let’s Examine.

  • They have not finished in the AP top 10 since 1976.
  • They haven’t won the ACC since 2001.
  • They have never even been in the ACC Championship Game, much less won it.
  • Since 2004 they are 44-42
  • Their “awesome” 2010 9-4 team? The only BCS conference teams they beat had a combined record of 22-27.

Oh, and the beloved Ralph Friedgen. He put together this storied history of mediocrity with more NFL players than any other team in the ACC, save for Miami and Florida State.

  • More than BC. (2 ACC Championship Games)
  • More than Georgia Tech (2 ACC Championship Games)
  • More than Va Tech (4 ACC Championship Games)

I guess he has a great personality because the sports radio pundits in the DC area, go crazy about the firing and any criticism. It’s like he’s a fat sweaty Faberge Egg that they carry around in bubble wrap lest his feelings be hurt. Burning his diploma. Grow up.

Randy Edsall may turn out to be the worst football coach ever, but that remains to be seen. But their rabid fans (who couldn’t be bothered to attend games after a rough patch) want him fired now. I fear they have been influenced by the pro team that plays in Landover. Keeping Edsall may not work. Getting in the habit of firing coaches when things get bad, definitely won’t work.    So Edsall is a dick. Everyone is sooo sensitive now. Since when do we fire coaches for being dicks? Get over it. They lie, obfuscate, stonewall, blah, blah, blah. Cities love their dick coaches when they win. Give him a chance to win. So your ’96 Civic has a dent. BFD.

Coversations with Joe Pa – Part 3

Want some Nittany Lions tickets?

How I imagine the big moment went when Joe Pa finally confronts Sandusky.

Sandusky: You wanted to see me Joe?

Paterno: Sit down and shut up!

Sandusky: Huh?

Paterno: I know you’ve been raping little boys all over campus. I’m calling the police, and I never want to see you around here again you disgusting piece of filth!

Sandusky: But Joe, this will kill Second Mile.

Paterno: I don’t care about your victim recruiting scheme!

Sandusky: But Joe you stand to make half a million off Second Mile investments over the next few years.

Paterno: Well… Goddammit, stop raping them on campus! You got that?

Sandusky: Thanks Joe. Brunch on Sunday?

Paterno: Sure.

Sandusky: Don’t forget the grandkids.

Conversations with Joe Pa – Part 2

Three times! I raped him three times!

This is how I imagine Joe Paterno’s follow up went with Tim Curley.
Paterno: Hey, remember when I told you that Sandusky might be a serial child rapist?
Curley: Sure.
Paterno: Hey look they’re seving tapioca with lunch.
Curley: Did you have a question about Jerry?

Paterno: I can’t remember. Look tapioca.