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The BCS Title Game

SEC Debate Bowl finalists prepare to square off.

Let me first begin this post by stating emphatically that LSU and Alabama are the two best teams in the country, and that they will and should play in the BCS Title Game. Do I want to see that again? Hell no.

I was listening yesterday to Steve Czaban (huge fan) on Yahoo Sports Radio, when he began quoting from an article by Cecil Hurt, Editor of      The central theme of the article, and Czaban’s soliloquy , as I heard it, was not that the two teams belong there. It was that they are angry because we don’t want to see it again.

I’m not hearing much from people saying they are not the two best teams. I hear people saying they don’t want to see a rematch., you’ve won! Be happy with that. Don’t demand that the rest of us suck on it and like it. A colonoscopy might be the right prescription by my doctor, but don’t insist that I sing Bobby McFerren songs though the procedure. So there. All the logical right/wrong, black/white sports pundits have won and will get 1 v/s 2.

But indulge me for just a paragraph or two as I present a different perspective. Hurt states that purpose of the BCS is to have #1 play #2. Well, I did some extensive research and found some secret founding charter documents of the BCS. They clearly state in Chapter 14, paragraph 9, sub-paragraph 4 in very small writing that “the expressed purpose of the BCS Title Game is make overflowing buckets of cash.” Seriously, I read that.

College football is a business. A product to be consumed by drunken dudes who wear team jerseys, and buy team flags to fly from their mini-vans on Saturdays. It is a never ending spigot of cash for universities, bowls, and the BCS. This isn’t Yale v/s Harvard in 1906. A game in which fair-haired student athletes match wills on the gridiron to see who is the best. It’s a product. Like a Fleet Enema or an iPad. Sports fans want the iPad, but it seems we will get the enema instead.      Czaban, Hurt et al., you have won. You’ll get the game you want. Just don’t insist that I do the Snoopy Dance over it. I want what I want, and it ain’t Ishtar 2: Electric Boogaloo.


Conversations with Joe Pa – Part 1


I'm old...cut me a little slack.


Some have made the argument that Paterno maybe didn’t understand what McQueary was telling him about Sandusky. ‘Cause he’s old and all. Seems to me natural curiosity would lead to a conversation to find out more. I imagine it went something like this.
McQueary: Coach, thanks for meeting with me tonight.

Paterno: This better be good. It’s 7:30 and Matlock’s on. What is so bad that you’re here at this ungodly hour?

McQueary: I was in the field house last night, and I caught Jerry Sandusky “horsing around” with a 10 year old in the shower.

Paterno: What do you mean “horsing around”?

McQueary: Well uh…. He was packing his fudge.

Paterno: He always packs the kid’s lunch on game day. Why would he leave out the fudge. Dorothy’s a fantastic cook.

McQueary: No coach. I don’t think you understand. He was ahhh… Drilling offshore.

Paterno: Good! You know it cost $54 to fill up my LeSabre last month. Drill baby drill.

McQueary: No! He was cruising the Hershey Highway!

Paterno: He was at the game yesterday, and Hershey is a hundred miles from here. I’m confused.

McQueary: Joe, he was balls deep in the kid!

Paterno: Ya mean he was buggering him?

McQueary: Yes!

Paterno: I’ll take care of it.

Curley: Hello

Paterno: Tim, it’s Joe. Somebody saw Sandusky horsing around in the shower with a 10 year old.

Curley: What do you mean “horsing around”?

Perverts and Sports

This will only hurt for a minute.

When the accusations of child molestation against Syracuse assistant basketball coach, Bernie Fine came out, I like many other people immediately thought this may likely be a copycat, looking for attention, money, or both. Recently however, the allegations are looking more and more plausible. I began to think about it, and it makes perfect sense.
You heard it here first: This is just the tip of the iceberg as it pertains to child molestation and organized sports. I believe that over the next ten years or so, we will be inundated with stories of coaches doing the Rectory Romp with young boys and girls.
Think about it. Kirsti Alley doesn’t shop for Haagen Daz at The Home Depot. She goes where they have lots of Haagen Daz. Likewise child rapists look where the targets are plentiful and the self esteem is low.
Jerry Sandusky drew an inside straight of pervert perfection.

  • Endless supply of young boys
  • Largely unchecked power
  • Sterling reputation
  • A hankerin’ for ten year old cock (allegedly)
  • The cover of a large institution protecting it’s own interests

My theory is simple: Never trust any guy who wants to be around children other than his own. If you’re so damn eager to take the Boy Scout troop up into the mountains for the weekend, (Oh Canteen Boy!)  you need to be watched.
This is going to be a decade long exercise in voyeuristic revulsion. Like watching liposuction on The Learning Channel or a hot girl pick her nose. We don’t want to see it, but we can’t look away. Now that the first string on the sweater of sports and child molestation has been pulled, watch as it unravels as fast the Redskins in November. It’s gonna get ugly.

Lions: Beloved to Hated

The Detroit Lions began the 2011 NFL season as everybody’s favorite underdog. After years of losing and the city of Detroit’s well documented maladies, most of us had developed a soft spot for the Lions. After starting 5-0 they had become the darlings of sports radio and TV talking heads. Ndamukong Suh was even doing Chrysler commercials.
Fast forward to week 12. Look at what has transpired. Jim Scwhartz screamed at Jim Harbaugh about not knowing the rules, and was smacked down with a loss and the most vigorous handshake since Pee Wee Herman abused himself in a theater. Suh has gotten multiple fines for dirty play, and now has been suspended for two games for stomping Green Bay offensive lineman Evan Dietrich-Smith. And at the pinnacle of unlikableness (is that a word), Stephen Tulloch and Tony Scheffler mocked Tim Tebow’s faith by striking Tebow prayer poses after making plays.
Now I never thought that Jesus had much of a rooting interest in the NFL ( I’m pretty sure he’s an MMA guy). But since mocking Timmy Rah Rah and his Lord and Savior, the Lions have only managed to beat the Carolina Panthers. Even the Almighty himself can’t position the Panthers to win games in the NFL. Only Blaine Gabbert and John Beck can do that. I can’t wait to hear Tebow after a loss. “Well we tried real hard and had a chance to win at the end, but Jesus made me throw that pick 6 in the flat.” Or maybe it’s something else. Pretty sure Schwartz is not Jewish but does Jesus know that? I had to Google it. Just sayin’…
They have managed to destroy all of the good will they had at the beginning of the season, to become a team that most people are rooting against. I was on this morning, and the overwhelming consensus is that these guys are a bunch of douche bags. Maybe they need someone to scream at them, “You don’t live in Cleveland”